Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
