I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
