Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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