New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
