Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize