Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
