dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
