I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
