i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
