Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
