If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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