SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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