toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
