I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
