Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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