Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
