I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
