Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
