For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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