I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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