i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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