I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
