real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
