Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
