you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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