I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
