I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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