every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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