He kissed a someone with a penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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