Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
