New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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