I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
