I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
