Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
