He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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