The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
