ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
