the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
