I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
