If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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