Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize