are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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