There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
