What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize