I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I FOUND THE LEGS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
