therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
