I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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