there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Did I show you my penis last night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
