i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
