Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize