Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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