Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
