it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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