You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
