You can't motorboat a personality
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
