He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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