apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
