So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
