i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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