Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
