Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
