I hate all girls vehemently.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
