My pussy is not your playground.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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