bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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