her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blood and glitter go together right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
