no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
