all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
